| “Do you really think anyone will pay you for that?” “Does tech even need that?” Those were some of the responses I got back in 2016 when first describing my idea for Compassionate Coding to peers. It was a bit disheartening, but thankfully my passion for the vision—and my frustration with the culture of the tech industry at the time—overrode that slight discouragement. I was also lucky to have a few people in my life, including my mom, who believed in me from the start. Now, 8 years later, I’ve had the honor of working with teams around the world, sharing strategies for integrating compassion to into their workflow for more productivity and greater well-being. Compassionate Coding has been featured in books, news articles, countless industry events, and even research papers. People have printed out the compassionate tech values and posted them in their office. I’m so glad I didn’t listen to the early naysayers! I since encountered a term for the role played by my mom and my other early supporters: believing mirrors. It comes from Julia Cameron in The Listening Path. Here’s how she describes them:
“They reflect back to us belief in our potential. They are optimistic and positive. They believe in our strength, not our weakness. Every artist needs believing mirrors. ... I run my early drafts past them because they are 'safe.' Their support and encouragement enable me to undertake further drafts.”
In my early career in tech, I met very few believing mirrors and many “congenital naysayers.” Steven Sample describes these in The Contrarian’s Guide to Leadership:
“Rather than imagining how a new idea might possibly work, they instinctively think of all the reasons why it won’t. They sincerely believe they’re doing everyone a favor by reducing the amount of time spent on bad or foolish ideas. But what they really do is undermine…creativity…”
These aren’t quite “haters” in the online parlance, as they really do think they’re helping. Unfortunately, what they really do is squash new ideas and hold people back with their limiting beliefs. Sometimes our inner critic is our own worst naysayer. Why are there so many of these people in tech? Well, it’s part of our job to anticipate the failure cases—to look for bugs, to protect against security vulnerabilities. Tech aside, humans also have a built-in negativity bias. Now there is a time and place for constructive critique, but the key is timing. When an idea or dream or creation is fresh, it’s vulnerable and easily destroyed with an excess of criticism. Later on, once there’s some initial momentum, ideas for refinement can be more helpful. When the people in your life pitch you new ideas, are you more often a believing mirror or a naysayer? On a software team, it’s helpful to have a mix of both, though it’s even more helpful for everyone to be able to shift between these different modes depending on the situation. Now what can you do when you encounter naysayers early on in your creative journey? Find some believing mirrors! As author Marcia Wieder notes: “For every person who thinks your ideas are mad or wild, there is someone who will think you are clever and brilliant.” Yes, there may come a time when you refine your ideas based on feedback, but don’t let the limiting beliefs of others hold you back from achieving your dream—and certainly don’t hold yourself back! You have unique gifts to offer, and there are people in the world who need them. 💝 |
