Welcome to Garbage Weekend. It’s the internet garbage you know and love, but in a format that’s easier to read while you wait for every website on the internet to verify your age.

This week, the Epstein controversy is heating up, so President Trump is calling in Q for help. Meanwhile, Democrats are going all out, busting out their most obscure procedural rules and calling in former Vice President Kamala Harris to announce What Happened 2: What Happened Harder. Is democracy's best hope The Mysterious Orange Shape? Or maybe it's the DOGE script kiddie who just wanted to help. Things are bleak right now, and reviewing Vice President JD Vance's Spotify playlist isn't helping. If you want to hear more, just give every single website your ID — or, if you'd prefer, just use a Funko Pop.

Oh well, here’s some fun stuff…

Subscribe to Premium to read the rest.

Become a paying subscriber of Premium to get access to this post and other subscriber-only content.

A subscription gets you:

• Paywalled weekend issue

• Monthly Garbage Intelligence report

• Discord access

• Discounts on merch and events