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COLUMN DEP’T. MR WRONG: I Positively Think It Would Be Nice to Get a Lot of MoneyMY BRAIN IS always providing me with solid entertainment, just by allowing me to think the things I do with it, for instance, the Mr. Wrong column, fuckin’ thing comes right out of my Brain! Thank you. Also though, while I describe myself as an Optimist, I live what I guess is a rich Fantasy life, or some sorta Magical Realism, rose-colored glasses, delusional? Hey, remember when “delulu” was a thing, does anybody say that any more, “delulu?” I guess it was a mutation of that Manifesting thing, where you think about something you want to have happen and you make it happen, which I always call Positive Visualization, but some people don’t do Visuals, they think in other ways, like Math, but it’s all basically just what used to be called The Power of Positive Thinking. There was even a book about it, I’m positive! Right now stuff is lining up in my Brain, and it’s fun! Norman Vincent Peale, the author of the Thinking book, is harmonizing with my Song of The Summer, “Bankroll Peelers,” by Naeem and Spank Rock, and it is a fuckin’ Earworm. "I like my meat red and my presidents dead," Norman Vincent Peelers! Plus there’s an instrumental track out there, it’s got these tiny little clicks in it, they almost crackle, it’s like Micro Trap, it’s very mood, super cool, seriously it is a Thing, that Thing, a Vibe, I wanna live in it, just saying. There’s also another song I enjoy that harmonizes with Thinking, positively, entitled “The Power of Positive Drinking,” by Lou Reed, the pow-pow-pow-pow-power of positive drinking, is the part that my brain digs, is that the hook? It brings you back, no lie, right? The pow-pow-power song is about how the singer enjoys the brown liquor, ”some say liquor kills the cells in your head,” it’s true! The pow-pow-pow-pow-power of positive
The pow-pow-pow-pow-power of positive
The pow-pow-pow-pow-power of positive
The pow-pow-pow-pow-power of positive drinking
Don’t drink too much, though! OK, woof, that kinda got me off-topic today, back to me, and what I think! I don’t know why, but I always think somebody is gonna die and leave me money all the time. Is there a Psychological Diagnosis for that, is it a persistent Delusion or what? Delulu! I mean, I don’t 100 percent know that somebody is gonna leave me some money, let alone die and then do it, but I always think it’s gonna happen, and I am not morbid for putting Death and the Money together, because that’s pretty much the only way that shit happens, you know? People tend to do the money-leaving thing so that it happens only after they are pretty sure they will no longer need any more of their money, Mortal Coil-wise. That’s why I like George Clooney. It is widely reported that George Clooney gave a buncha his pals a million bucks each, just to be nice. It’s nice, to be nice, right? I like to think that I would do something like that, if I had enough dough to hook up my pals and also, I would want to assume, continue to live in my lifestyle of somebody who could give his buddies a million, no sweat. Have you ever had anybody die and leave you money? Are you thinking about Death and who you might leave some money to? If I was rich I would have a big list of people to whom I would leave money, to. Or is that one of those things like “the reason Billionaires are rich is because they don’t give anybody their money,” but I’m talking about dead Billionaires! That is also the name of my new band, DEAD BILLIONAIRES. This is important, even if you are a Billionaire, I am not suggesting you should die before me so you can leave me money, I am just saying it’s really nice when somebody dies and leaves you money, and I am not talking about the Dies part, I am talking about the Money part, OK? Keep stackin’ paper! There’s this old movie called If I Had a Million, and this was back when a million really meant something, I mean, I see these things about how to retire and if you have a million you are like barely really able to live “comfortably,” like $40K a year or something without reducing your Million, ugh. Anyway, in this movie, some rich fuck gave randos a million bucks, no strings, and there are all these vignettes showing how each person is affected. My fave is W.C Fields buying a buncha cars and crashing into anybody who is a shitty driver. Anyway, I work my whole life, I don’t apologize, and if I end up with a stack, I am gonna wheel and deal, and I swear, I buy lottery tickets, but it’s not because I think I am Destined to win, I just like the action, and it’s extremely low stakes. I think if I ever got to be rich, gambling wouldn’t be fun for me anymore, you know? So it'd be fun to give some away. In conclusion, don’t die, but if you do, no offense, gimme some money! The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com. WEATHER REVIEWS New York City, August 13, 2025 ★★ Startlingly white clouds rose above the townhouse roofs. The sun was sharp and the air was thick; the mail carrier was wearing a pink towel draped over his head under his cap. A sudden dimness out the window was just one cloud blocking the sun, but then the afternoon went genuinely gray. Were the weather app's blobs representing rain supposed to be moving in from New Jersey or boiling up everywhere simultaneously? The animation showed them marching straight east, hardly even changing shape as they came. There seemed to be enough time to get into the Park and up the hill and back out again while things were still dry, and so there was, but the arms kept feeling phantom possible droplets on the air along the way. Two women, one in knee pads, practiced hitting a volleyball back and forth on the lawn above the Pool. Real rain settled in just as the younger boy reported he was starting his walk home from camp. The extended hours of daylight were lost in darkness. Then people were back out on the street doing things, some without bothering with umbrellas, and then the next glance at the window found it sheeted with water that had sluiced straight through the screen. Out back, the balcony door opened on the roar of a downpour, and the sound of thunder came crackling through.  EASY LISTENING DEP'T.HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast! HERE IS THE Indignity Morning Podcast archive! ADVICE DEP'T.HEY! DO YOU like advice columns? They don't happen unless you send in some letters! Surely you have something you want to justify to yourself, or to the world at large. Now is the perfect time to share it with everyone else through The Sophist, the columnist who is not here to correct you, but to tell you why you're right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want. SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of the only sandwich we could find in the pages of Sun-Diet Health Service Special Recipes from East Aurora Sun & Diet Sanatorium, East Aurora, NY Recipes, by Sun-Diet Health Service of East Aurora, NY, published in 1929, and available at archive.org for the delectation of all. Vegetable Club Sandwich 3 slices whole wheat bread
2 slices onion
4 slices cucumber
1/4 green pepper
3 slices tomato
1 tablespoon butter Toast bread on one side only. Spread butter on untoasted side. Lay over each piece slices of the various vegetables mentioned. Serve. If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net . SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T. Indignity is presented on Ghost. Indignity recommends Ghost for your Modern Publishing needs. Indignity gets a slice if you do this successfully!
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