Something happened this week: I forgot how to hold things. In a period of no more than five days I have dropped a full bottle of rice wine vinegar, a full glass jar of pickles, and a beer pint glass that I use to drink smoothies. It was a week of shattered glass.
In my life, I have shattered many glasses. This is partly because I am clumsy due to my lack of ear bones, and partly because I am a dumbass. It is also because I am always trying to do too many things at once. I cannot carry one dish down the stairs. I must carry every dish I can see. In my quest for efficiency, I am constantly being forced to get out the wet vacuum. All of which is to say, I'm an expert at dropping glass things onto tile, watching them shatter, and then cleaning them up.
Here are the best types of glass to break, according to my experiences:
1. Rocks glass
2. Juice glass
3. Beer pint glass
4. Mason jar
5. Wine glass
6. Champagne flute
7. Martini glass
8. Cute little margarita glass with the blue rim
9. Decanter
10. Car side-view mirror
11. Full bottle of vinegar
12.Whole jar of pickles
13. Anything crystal at all
14. Soy sauce bottle
15. Eyeglasses
16. A cherished glass with beautiful design on it
17. Being hit by a bus and breaking a window (presumed)
18. The whole bunch of stacking Pyrex glass mixing bowls.
Whenever I break a glass, as I did many times this week, I just remind myself that at least it's not a whole bunch of stacking Pyrex glass mixing bowls. I really cannot recommend NOT breaking those enough.
-Kelsey
