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LOST & FOUND DEP'T. Hawks Lost at Rams GameRecently Found in AmericaRadioactive cesium-137 (at the Port of Long Beach, in Long Beach, California, in an arriving shipment of cloves from Indonesia) A trove of 1,051 gold and silver Spanish colonial coins, valued at more than $1 million (underwater along the Treasure Coast of Florida, where they had been lost in the sinking of a Spanish fleet en route from Cuba in a hurricane in 1715) A healthy 3.6-pound python (at an In-N-Out Burger drive-thru in Monrovia, California) A live alligator, a 2011 Polaris Sportsman ATV, and a game camera (the alligator in a horse trailer and the others elsewhere on the property, at a house in Newton, Texas, according to game wardens and sheriff's deputies) A four-foot fiberglass dinosaur statue named Claire (wrapped in fabric at a Sinclair gas station in Brentwood, Los Angeles, with a note attached reading "I'M SORRY FOR STEALING CLAIRE! PLEASE DO NOT PRESS CHARGES!," after it had been stolen from the station the previous week) Bundles of a total of 250 absentee ballots (in an apparently tampered-with Amazon package in Newburgh, Maine, according to state officials, the same day the town of Ellsworth, Maine, reported 250 ballots missing from a shipment it had received) A 1982 class ring from Ashtabula, Ohio's now-demolished Harbor High School, with the name "Ramio Kangus" inscribed on the inner surface (in the water near the shore of Lake Erie, in Ashtabula, some 200 yards from the spot where a 17-year-old Raimo Kangus made a "hang gesture," accidentally flinging the ring off his finger into the lake, 44 years earlier) Recently Missing in AmericaA Harris's hawk named Alice and a since-recovered Harris's hawk named Bubba, who were in cages on a since-recovered Kawasaki Mule utility vehicle (from outside SoFi Stadium in Inglewood California, during a Los Angeles Rams–Indianapolis Colts game, for which the hawks were being used to chase away other birds that might defecate on the crowd) Dozens of CDs of Taylor Swift's The Life of a Showgirl, autographed by Swift (from packages shipped from a DHL facility in Hebron, Kentucky) Hundreds of rounds of ammunition in assorted calibers (from a sports and outdoor goods store in Gastonia, North Carolina, after surveillance cameras recorded a woman putting several boxes of ammo in a bag she was carrying, according to police) About 300 pumpkins (from a pumpkin patch in Pickerington, Ohio, according to the 85-year-old proprietor) A bronze statue of a tiger (from the grounds of St. Pius X Catholic School in Dallas, where surveillance cameras recorded a team of two men sawing through its feet and carrying it off in a wheelbarrow) Two tipi lodges stamped with "Property of Great Falls Public Schools" (from the grounds of two different elementary schools in Great Falls, Montana) Vape pens and other items collectively valued at $1,000 (from a gas station in Connell, Washington, after which police said they had arrested two suspects, ages 14 and 13) Previously in LOST AND FOUND WEATHER REVIEWS New York City, October 6, 2025★★★ Eastern light shone off the flush rectangular chrome door handles on an otherwise primer-dulled, sagging Peugeot parked across the avenue. The sky had recovered some of its clarity, and the humidity felt cool instead of stifling. A sour summer garbage reek still stabbed at the nose on 106th Street, though. An afternoon reflection flashed off uptown-facing windows on a second bounce. The wind was strengthening on its way up from the Park. Illusory enchantment wrapped itself around the ultratalls. The taller of the modest-sized pair of sugar maples on the Great Hill had done a quick change, top to bottom, and was spreading a carpet of pink and pale yellow on the ground below itself, while its neighbor showed only a touch of reddening where the late sun grazed its top. A quartet of little sweetgums on a hillside lawn's edge stood approximately identically speckled with yellow. The festival moon found the viewer before the eye had properly started looking for it, white and blatant as a searchlight, causing an astigmatic scatter.  EASY LISTENING DEP'T.HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast! Here is the Indignity Morning Podcast archive! ADVICE DEP'T.HEY! DO YOU like advice columns? They don't happen unless you send in some letters! Surely you have something you want to justify to yourself, or to the world at large. Now is the perfect time to share it with everyone else through The Sophist, the columnist who is not here to correct you, but to tell you why you're right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want. SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of sandwiches selected from Buffalo Cookery: A Collection of Choice Recipes Carefully Selected, by St. Luke's Sunday-School Ladies' Auxiliary, Buffalo, Wyoming in 1916 and available at archive.org for the delectation of all. CELERY SANDWICHES
Mrs. J. C. Van Dyke Butter bread thin on the loaf, cut lengthwise of the loaf, and roll tight around two tender stalks of celery. Tie with baby ribbon. If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net . SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T. Indignity is presented on Ghost. Indignity recommends Ghost for your Modern Publishing needs. Indignity gets a slice if you do this successfully!
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