I’m sure you’d all love to know where I stand on the Great Tesla Debate. Do I own a Cybertruck? Would I ever? Does Elon Musk amaze and inspire me? Do I detest his living guts? Do I care so little about the Great Tesla Debate that all I can think about right now is the fact that detest + Tesla = detesla?
You’ll never know. Sorry! I just can’t find it in myself to volunteer yet another opinion on the subject. Not after this past week, when I’ve been crushed, simply crushed, by them. If you missed it, we published a photo essay about what it’s like to be the owner of a Cybertruck in 2025, and it’d take the Jaws of Life to prise me out of the wreckage that is the internet’s reaction to it. (Thus exhausts my attempt at automotive wordplay. Detesla!)
But the piece itself, I can speak to. One of our brilliant site directors, Zoë Schiffer, did it, with photos by Michelle Groskopf, and it’s sort of like the movie Jaws: best understood not as horror but as comedy. Reading it, I bark-laughed several times. The carefully careless tone. The 8-year-old interviewee. The fact that multiple Cybertruck owners—was Mrs. Claus one of Musk’s sperm mommies?—deliver presents to children. Just hilarious, I say. All of it.
Offended at my flippancy? Please. I look for inspiration wherever I can get it, and this piece inspires me. I’m so inspired, in fact, I might just take a walk down the block. There’s a Cybertruck parked outside a house. In Berkeley! Land of libs! I wonder if the owner has strong opinions.