|
COLUMN DEP’T. MR WRONG: They Stopped Making CentsDID YOU SEE that they quit making pennies? We, the People, quit minting one-cent pieces? I haven’t examined a gumball machine lately, along with the machines that have stickers and little toys and stuff, in the vestibule of a supermarket, or a Walmart or whatever, because I think maybe they don’t have ’em anymore? But there’s gotta be a few still out here, so maybe they don’t operate on pennies? Like, the cheapest coin you could put in is probably a quarter? Over the summer I saw one of those machines that squishes a penny and stamps a souvenir message on it, like SEASIDE HEIGHTS NEW JERSEY or something, and it took exactly one penny, the one to be transmogrified into a keepsake, and then you added a buncha quarters. I know the parking meters in Baltimore, MD—the city in which I usually park my car—a lot of ’em only take quarters, you can’t even put a nickel or a dime in for parking at the cheapest meters, 50 cents an hour, which is a deal, eh? That’s less than a penny a minute! Those machines also take cards, but they are a giant pain in the ass to swipe just right, to get the thing to read your magnetic strip, and when it’s raining, it’s even worse, so it’s way easier to use coins. The big reason they always give for not making a thing is how much it costs to make it, and I have read several times in the course of my recent Awareness of pennies that it costs four cents to make a penny, and somehow that is why they should stop making pennies. So that’s pretty stupid, to think that when you make a symbol of Value, it should cost less than the amount the object-symbol represents? Is this why we have bitcoins? How much does it cost to make a bitcoin? It’s electricity, right? The same thing that’s going on with data centers, that are sucking up electricity for the Artificial Intellects? And causing my power bill to rise? I’m already tired thinking about this. I don’t want to think about bitcoins! Doesn’t a bitcoin change what it’s worth every day because people buy and sell the bitcoins? Do they still have those people with racks of computers in their house making answers to math equations or whatever you do to make bitcoin? Are people making math equations-bitcoins using Artificial Intellects? How much fuckin’ juice does that take? How long has there been bitcoin and howcome I still don’t understand it?  Pennies from my stash: 1969 D, 1975, 1978, 1984, 1987, and a still shiny after all these years 1996. Anyway, so, fine, it costs four cents to make a penny. I looked at my penny stash, a photo of which is at the top of today’s column, and I found some old-ass pennies, one was from 1969, and there were a couple from the ’70s and ’80s, so like it cost how much, adjusted for inflation, to make those pennies, and they still work! Doesn’t really convince me, that it costs four cents to make a penny and that’s why we shouldn’t have new ones, you know? Do you remember every once in a while there would be a penny shortage? Seriously, how crazy, there would be an actual shortage of pennies, and banks and stores would ask The Public to bring in pennies. I’m not making it up, it was a long time ago, but I found this item on the internet. Yeah, OK, that item is dated WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 12, 2025 at 5:43 PM EST, huh, seems like only yesterday! The Piggly Wiggly is rounding stuff off so they don’t have to give out pennies because they can’t get enough pennies from the bank! Who the fuck is in charge of pennies? I demand a recount! The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com. VISUAL CONSCIOUSNESS DEP'T.Placards at Eddie's Gourmet Shoppe (Liquors), Baltimore, MDMore consciousness at Instagram. EASY LISTENING DEP'T.Here is the Indignity Morning Podcast archive! SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from C.L.C. Tombola Cook Book, by the Ladies of Cornwall and Friends of the Cornwall Lacrosse Club, published in 1909 and available at archive.org for the delectation of all. EGG SALAD SANDWICHES. Boil the number of eggs needed at least half an hour, then leave them in cold water a few minutes; after removing the shells chop them as fine as possible with a silver fork and add salad dressing enough to make a smooth, creamy mixture.
—Mrs. CLARENCE KNOX, Hopedale, Mass, If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net . SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T. Indignity is presented on Ghost. Indignity recommends Ghost for your Modern Publishing needs. Indignity gets a slice if you do this successfully!
|
