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PROGRAMMING NOTE DEP'T. BE SURE TO tune in tomorrow for chapter two of Tom Scocca's serialized novel, The Stairs. COLUMN DEP'T. MR WRONG: A Pox on the People Who Want More GermsIT’S COLD & Flu Season! Go wash your hands. Seriously, it is Cold & Flu Season, again, I swear, it seems like this happens every year, right? I already went and got some shots, vaccinations, “jabs,” if you will, to prophylactically inoculate my prophylaxis, Scientifically! You can, too, get a shot! Don’t get sick! If you do, stay the hell away from the General Population (me), nobody needs to get ill from your attempted Herd Immunity bushwa! Science! In this Economy right right now, people say stuff like “I Believe in Science,” almost like it’s a Religion or something? I have thought about it, Science, and how people are putting it up against Religion all the time, and, like what do I Believe in? I don’t know! All this shit is way bigger than me, I’m just a squirrel tryna get a nut and not catch a case of Covid or The Flu, or one of those new ones, RSV, mNRA, what the fuck? Har! I can’t tell the disease from the cure, stop it with the acronyms! Bird Flu, for fuck’s sake, in people! I’m not a Scientist! To prove it, I do my own research on Google, and sure, a lotta this stuff doesn’t seem to make sense if you make it about Belief, you know? What do you really have to Believe in? Is it like Faith? Is it like Facts? Those are better, though, Facts, because you don’t have to Believe in Facts! Until now! All these idiots Just Asking Questions, you fools are destroying Society with your flat fucking Moon landing crapola! Howabout this meathead who works for the Government somehow, the guy who ate a worm or whatever, talking about how every fucking thing “gives” you autism, for fuck’s sake. Dude Believes in stuff. Enough! There’s no effing Believe when it comes to Facts! Science! Again, I don’t understand Science mostly, but I don’t have to, they have a whole Scientific Method! No offense to any Religions, but they don’t have that, it’s all about Act As If Ye Haz Faith And You Shall Get Some. Good luck for that when you get Super-Covid or whatever because your god said don’t wear a fucking mask on the airplane on your way to fucking Florida where they don’t have shots for anything anymore! It’s like travelling to a distant Tropical country, you gotta get your vaccinations! Gonna be Herd Immunity in action down there, fools, enjoy your Measles!  However, I don’t know how a Vaccine works, beyond what I learned in fuckin’ High School, it was like, some Ye Oldde guy dipping a stick into Cow Pox sores on the cattle or something? I don’t remember the whole filmstrip, but like—and I am not going to research this part before I type it, just as a test, which actually, though, that is pretty much the Standard Operating Procedure for the Mr. Wrong column—you take some of the Disease, and then you get it into the bloodstream of somebody you want to save from The Pox (I remember these X-shaped gashes on the arms of the villagers in, again, I swear it was a film strip, with the BEEP-PLEASE TURN THE KNOB TO ADVANCE THE FILM), and they get a micro-version of the ailment, and that triggers your body to produce the cure for your own personal biome or whatever. It’s miraculous, right? The Pox! I think I had the Chicken Pox when I was a wee one, and apparently that sets you up for Shingles or something? They tell you your Chicken Pox is over and they send you back to school and 40 years later it makes you sick again? I can’t keep track of all the Diseases I'm inoculated or in-not-culated for, but I got that Shingles one, it was two shots, and I absolutely had the heebie-jeebies after the first one, I just felt kinda weird, but then I got the second one and I could feel the Bill Gates Brain-Control thing kick in and now I feel fine! Har! Can you BELIEVE the total pure unadulterated bullshit people Believe? Also, now we have a big nostalgia trip for Measles, terrific. I’m sorry, this country was based on Freedom of Religion, but you are a total fuckin’ dipstick if you don’t get a Measles shot, that shit is real, no offense to your fucked up Belief System or whatever. I can’t even remember if I had the actual Measles or got a shot for it, but whatever! I will get another shot if my doctor—a person of Science—says so, and my Health Care plan will cover it, thank G_d. The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com. EASY LISTENING DEP'T.Here is the Indignity Morning Podcast archive! SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of a sandwich selected from California Mexican-Spanish Cook Book; Selected Mexican and Spanish Recipes, by Bertha Haffner-Ginger, published in 1914 and available at archive.org for the delectation of all. Mexican Sandwiches Remove seeds from chiles, green and red, if canned, chop fine; if raw, roast or scald and peel; first fry separately in a little butter, salt to taste, little lemon juice, don't brown. Spread between layers of thickly cut white and brown bread alternately, with one slice of bread buttered and sprinkle thickly with grated cheese; the color effect is pretty when cut in fancy shapes and served on crisp lettuce leaf, or mix red and green chile together; fry, cool, add grated cheese, spread on tortillas that have been dipped in hot butter, roll lightly, fasten with toothpick; garnish with sprig parsley; serve on crisp lettuce leaves. If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net . SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T. Indignity is presented on Ghost. Indignity recommends Ghost for your Modern Publishing needs. Indignity gets a slice if you do this successfully!
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