Michelin dining for cheapskates: Shoddy Goods 073What's the cheapest Michelin-starred meal in America?
Hey, Jason Toon here, strapping on the feedbag for another Shoddy Goods, the newsletter from Meh about consumer culture. If Meh could sell gourmet cuisine, it might look something like this…
Where can you stuff your gut high-class style without spending an arm and a leg? Read on, ravenous one I’m blessed with an unrefined palate. You know that scene in Ratatouille when the foodie-rat Remy is trying to explain the brilliance of cuisine to his cloddish brother Émile? I’ll admit I’m more of an Émile. And I’m OK with that. While I love to eat, I don’t have the kind of finely tuned tongue that can either elevate a meal to transcendent art on the level of the greatest music or movies, or ruin it because some little detail fails to meet my exacting standard. For the most part, I think food that isn’t straight-up disgusting is usually pretty good. So when I go out to eat, I’m usually willing to settle somewhere in the midrange rather than shell out for peak dining experiences. The difference just isn’t enough, to me, to justify the price. I could buy, like, five books with that money! Hardcovers, even! But what if a culinary philistine like me wanted to try a Michelin-starred restaurant just to see what the fuss was about? What’s the least you could get away with spending, in the United States? There are lots of suggestions out there, but I want a specific dollar amount at one specific restaurant. Full stomachs, full wallets Let’s figure it out. First, the rules. The restaurant must be awarded at least one star by the Michelin Guide; those in their “Bib Gourmand” and “Selected Restaurants” category don’t count. Then, let’s define our sample meal. This is about bargain indulgence, not number-go-down for its own sake, so we’re not talking bread, ketchup, and hot water. I decided a fair look at what a legit dining experience actually costs would include at least one appetizer or side, a main dish, a dessert, and a glass of wine (or a high-end soft drink, if they don’t serve wine). And we also won’t pick the very cheapest options, because chances are those wouldn’t all be what you’d actually want to eat. I’d decided to pick the second- or third-cheapest in each category, unless there were only two options, where I’d pick the cheaper. That seems like a good rough estimate of where you’d wind up if you were being conscious of price but not fanatical about it.
Putting the “bib” in “Bibendum” OK, so when I set the Michelin Guide’s search parameters to restaurants in the USA with at least one star and in their lowest price category ($$, or “A moderate spend”), nine restaurants are left standing. I looked at all their menus, wiped the drool off my keyboard, and realized that my little structure wouldn’t necessarily fit every restaurant. Some have more of a share-plate vibe. Some include sides with mains while others don’t. Some don’t serve wine or don’t publish their drink menus online. So I took my best guess as a certified cheapskate for what combination of dishes would capture the experience. And remember, menus change constantly, sometimes every day, so don’t hold me to any of these dishes or prices. And the dinner is… Congratulations, hungry Texans. Four of the top five most affordable Michelin-starred restaurants in America are barbecue joints in your state, three of which are in Austin. I swear I’m not saying this just because Meh is headquartered in Texas. I’m sure each of you has a favorite that hasn’t earned that coveted star, but take that up with the Michelin man. (And tell me about it in the comments, for the next time I’m in the Lone Star State.)
4th-cheapest: Holbox, Los Angeles, CA, $46
3rd-cheapest: la Barbecue, Austin, TX, $41
2nd-cheapest: InterStellar BBQ, Austin, TX, $40
Cheapest: CorkScrew BBQ, Spring, TX, $33.50
Feast your eyes on that! You can still get a full Michelin-starred nosh on for fifty bucks or less… if you happen to be in Texas or LA. If not, well, maybe it’s time to move there. My sample meals for all nine of the contenders, with links to menu sources, are in this spreadsheet. I applied my own semi-subjective method across the board, but some menus are hard to find online. So if you own one of these restaurants and feel like I was looking at an inaccurate or outdated menu, sorry, but keeping your menu current and accessible might be a good idea. Otherwise, congrats to you all on behalf of tightwad gourmands across America! Now, just one question remains: why did I torture myself by writing this piece on an empty stomach?
CorkScrew BBQ owners Will and Nichole Buckman with a big fan (from the CorkScrew Instagram) And the dishes in the main image up top are from (L to R) CorkScrew, Holbox, la Barbecue, and Interstellar I hesitate to say I have a particularly refined diet—some of my favorite meals have been the eggs, hashbrowns, and toast at the local diner—but I’ll splurge when the opportunity arises. How about you: outside of home, what’s the best meal experience you’ve ever had? Let’s hear about it in this week’s Shoddy Goods chat. —Dave (and the rest of Meh) Enjoy these finely seasoned, expertly prepared past Shoddy Goods stories for the low, low price of $0:
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