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BUT FIRST, BEFORE WE BEGIN DEP'T. Before the next chapter drops tomorrow, get caught up on THE STAIRS, Tom Scocca's serialized work of fiction! COLUMN DEP’T. MR WRONG: Swab the Halls! Deck the Folly! Merry Happy The Holidays! WOWEE IT IS The Holidays! I have been so busy with all my stuff that I forgot to type a column about The Holidays! Here we are! Happy The Holidays! Or not! You can choose! That's your gift to yourself! Or non-gift! Ho ho! Seriously, one great thing about The Holidays is that people are so busy having their The Holidays that nobody is paying attention to you! Did anybody besides people who are paid to report on stuff watch that speech from The President of The United States of America last night? I didn't! Who cares? I am busy! I went to see a movie that will be added to the pantheon of movies set in The Holidays, it is called The Baltimorons, and I will try and add a Youtube of the trailer here, look: I have Opinions about this movie, which I mostly enjoyed, and I will emit them next week, but right now it is the The Holidays, and I am planning on going places and eating things! Oh, what fun, eh? Also: Drinking. I love all the drinks of The Holidays, Egg Nog, hot wine, hot cocoa, coffee, and coffee with booze in it, ho ho! I hate Secret Santa in the office, though, and I also hate the office, but I don't have to go any more! It is like the Miracle of The Holidays for me! No office to go to, no stupid fucking shitty "office pot luck" because The Man is too fuckin' cheap to take you out for a decent meal someplace that's not where you fucking work! Depressing! Not in The Spirit! Rise up! Anyway, it's The Holidays, and I am feeling Festive! No more office for me, all I do is stuff like type my column for Indignity and I help out at Flaming Hydra, which you should subscribe to. It is a deal! They have a FREE SAMPLES page and there's like over a hundred things to read FREE, there might even be a non-MR WRONG column thing by me, so if you are not in The Holidays Spirit right now, you can read these, and then later when you want to read more stuff, you can get on board! I didn't mean for this to turn into a commercial for Flaming Hydra, but it is The Holidays and I am feeling all End of The Year, and getting ahead of myself a little, future-columnwise, Flaming Hydra is one of my favorite things for the year 2025. Also: I know it might be old news, but I have a warm place in my heart for the Drunken Raccoon. Happy The Holidays! Ho! Look, I don't think it's very Due Process to list other things the Drunken Raccoon is allegedly responsible for, and I hope the Drunken Raccoon didn't feel too bad after that little spree, oof. Anyway, now is The Holidays! I hope, my Hope, for The Holidays, is that you, the Gentle Reader of The MR WRONG column, have whatever kinda thing you want right now at the end of the year! All the things! We're all in this shit together! The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com. EASY LISTENING DEP'T.Here is the Indignity Morning Podcast archive! SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of a sandwich selected from Cassell's New Dictionary of Cookery, published in 1912 by Cassell and Company, London, New York, Toronto, and Melbourne, and available at archive.org for the delectation of all. HERRINGS, RED, MOCK ANCHOVY TOAST OF. Cut the head and tail from a red herring, and let it soak in boiling water for five or ten minutes. Drain it, peel off the skin, open it, and take out as many of the bones as possible. Cut one half of the fish into slices about a quarter of an inch in thickness, and the other half into small squares. Divide a round of hot buttered toast into quarters, and place a square of herring-flesh on each quarter, and round it one of the narrow slices. This will give mock anchovy toast. Place the pieces of herring between bread and butter, instead of upon toast, and you will have mock anchovy sandwiches. It will take about ten minutes to soak the herring. Probable cost, 1 1/2d. each. Sufficient for one person. If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net . SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T. Indignity is presented on Ghost. Indignity recommends Ghost for your Modern Publishing needs. Indignity gets a slice if you do this successfully!
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