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BUT FIRST, BEFORE WE BEGIN DEP'T. Before the next chapter drops Friday, get caught up on THE STAIRS, Tom Scocca's serialized work of fiction! COLUMN DEP’T. MR WRONG: Whatever Year It Is, It's Time for a New One I AM TYPING today’s Mr. Wrong column on January 31, in The Year of Our Lord 2025, Anno Domini and No Cents, Plus Tax, Inc., also known as New Years Eve. Exciting! You might be reading it on January 1, 2026, in The Future! Maybe even like a hundred years from now, because you are looking at some old crapola on the Internet! Happy New Year! So, for me, right now, it is New Year’s Eve, and this is the time when people look back at the year and a lotta people are like “Fuck that year,” and other people are like “Wow, what a year (for me), and others, like me, are like “What year is it?” Happy New Year! Seriously, I can barely remember what year it is, is it even important anymore? We have computers! You used to do stuff all the time with your bare hands that involved knowing the year, like writing a check. When’s the last time you wrote a check with a pen on a piece of paper? I write two checks, one for my stupid-ass Ground Rent for my house, and one for some goddamn Life Insurance company that won’t let me pay with Venmo or PayPal of Zenmo or Zillow or etc. Happy New Year! So it usually takes me like eight months to remember it is the current year, and what’s the point? The important stuff to remember now is your Password. Do you remember your Password? I have a new thing called a Key, but I still have to know the Password to get to it. Happy New Year! Anyway, it’s too late in the Old Year for me to still be mad at whatever Year it is, I forgive The Year 2025 for all its pomps and all its sins. Tonight, on this end of the Gregorian Calendar or whatever we use to chop up all the sunrises and sunsets, I have a plan, New Year’s Eve–wise: I stopped taking my BACLOFEN muscle relaxer for my treacherous back, because I am going to go to a nice bar and a nice restaurant and Ring In the New Year by getting my bell rung with some potent potables! Drunky New Year! Thank you for reading the Mr. Wrong column in the year 2025! Have a great Year-related thing! Don’t drive Happy! The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com. EASY LISTENING DEP'T.Here is the Indignity Morning Podcast archive! SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of a sandwich selected from Cassell's New Dictionary of Cookery, published in 1912 by Cassell and Company, London, New York, Toronto, and Melbourne, and available at archive.org for the delectation of all. PASTRY SANDWICHES. Roll out some good puff-paste till it is as thin as a wafer, and cut it into two pieces the same size and shape. Lay one of these on a buttered baking-tin, and spread over it lightly some fine fruit jelly. Place the other piece of pastry on the top, press it lightly with the fingers, mark it in squares where it is afterwards to be cut, and bake in a moderate oven. Sift powdered sugar over the sandwiches before serving them, and arrange them on a neatly folded napkin, or cut them when cold into narrow strips, pile them in a circle on a dish, and pour whipped cream into the middle of them. Time to bake, twenty minutes. Probable cost, without the cream, 8d. Sufficient, a quarter of a pound of paste will make a nice supper dish. PASTRY SANDWICHES (another way). Roll out two squares, one of almond paste and the other of puff-paste, to the same size and thickness. Lay the puff-paste upon the wire sieve. Put the puree into a saucepan with two ounces of butter and a little pepper, and stir it over a gentle fire until it is quite hot. Pour it into the centre of a hot dish, and arrange delicately-broiled cutlets — mutton, pork, or lamb — in a circle round it. Time, five or six minutes to heat the puree. Probable cost, 8d., if mixed with cream. Sufficient for a small dish. If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net . SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T. Indignity is presented on Ghost. Indignity recommends Ghost for your Modern Publishing needs. Indignity gets a slice if you do this successfully!
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