THE STAIRS© Tom Scocca, 2025 This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual people, places, and events is entirely coincidental, with the exception of the events in Chapters One and Two, which happened more or less as written, on the line between Cambridge and Somerville, Massachusetts, on Memorial Day weekend in 1999. 10. Shinter's was so big it had its own separate entrance in the subway. Off the uptown train, just past the turnstiles, the platform had the normal exit signs saying 74TH STREET, pointing to stairways up to the surface. But then beside those, inside the station, was this fancy wrought-iron staircase that went up and doubled back to the left. That led to a wide sort of catwalk, with varnished plank floors and more wrought-iron railings on the side, taking us above and across the track bed and straight to an underground storefront. The underground storefront was by far the brightest thing in the station. It had pillars of polished stone the color of butter and big brightly lit display windows set up to look like rooms, with furniture and mannequins in them. The nearest window had one mannequin sitting in a bright green chair holding a thick little dark green hardback book, while right beside it another mannequin was sitting in a big bathtub, the kind with feet shaped like claws, only instead of water, that tub was overflowing with more little green books. The books spilling out of the tub went all the way to the first mannequin's feet, which were wearing big yellow rubber rain boots. There was other stuff in the scene but that was all I could take in before we went through the doorway, under the big bronze letters that said SHINTER'S, and into the store itself. Up ahead of us was a fountain, with a bronze merman blowing a seashell. Water spouted out of the seashell and ran back down the merman's body and fish tail into a pool lined with deep blue tiles. There were huge goldfish swimming around in the pool, some fish the size of kid's shoes and some the size of grown-up shoes, brilliant orange against the blue. Above the fountain was a big clock. It was 10:30. "We'll go up to look at toys," Maxine said, "and we'll meet you at the lunch counter at 12:30. Is that OK, Em?" "You have your watch?" Emily asked. Maxine held up her wrist and waved a big black digital watch at her sister. "We'll be fine," she said. She and Emily had already talked over the plan, or our official version of the plan, with Mom before we left. They told Mom that Shinter's was used to having kids turned loose in it, so their parents could shop in the boring adult departments without being whined at. There were clerks and security guards keeping an eye out all over the place, wearing maroon sport coats with brass buttons and a big scrolling S on the pocket—"Like lifeguards at the swimming pool, basically," Maxine had said. Maxine led Theo and me to the escalators, past a sign pointing to the left that said SHOES & BOOTS and a sign to the right that said HOUSEWARES. "Let's get to the good parts," Maxine said, and we stepped on, going up. The walls around the escalator were mirrored and for a moment there were dozens of us, receding away on both sides. We'd agreed to wear jeans, not shorts, and Maxine had a tote bag with three rolled-up sweatshirts stuffed in the bottom. In the store's air conditioning, the jeans were fine. We rose past the mirrors and stepped out onto a floor even brighter and busier than where we'd come in. The ceiling was twice the height of the ceiling downstairs, and there was another fountain, in the shape of a waterfall cascading down between burnished marble cliffs. Signs read MEN'S FURNISHINGS - WINTER COATS - LEATHER GOODS & LUGGAGE - CITRUS & FLORAL NURSERY. "Where's the 75th Street subway?" Theo said. "We told Emily we were going up to toys," Maxine said. "And we are. We didn't say whether or not we were doing anything after that." She steered us along another stretch of floor, past FINE CHINA and TEA & COFFEE, to the next set of escalators. From the top of those, the escalators kept on switching back and going up. I saw BED LINENS and CAMPING SUPPLIES and TAILORING and ASTRONOMICAL INSTRUMENTS. After a few floors I caught a glimpse of PONIES. "Ponies?" I asked Maxine. "Ponies," she said. "Usually only four or five at a time in the store, but they take special orders." We went up and up till we were on the ninth floor. "Here's the top," Maxine said. We stepped off. The sign up ahead of us said TOYS, but it couldn't have been less necessary. Toys were everywhere—shelves and bins and freestanding towers of toys, polished wood and bright paint and plush fur and flashing lights. A few feet above the aisle was a suspended double train track, and passing overhead on it was a dull silver replica of a Marble City subway train, just like the one we'd ridden up in. On the far side of a table full of lifelike teddy bears was a raised channel full of flowing water, with little speedboats zigging in and out among slow-floating rubber ducks. Theo was gazing at a wall full of realistic matchbox-sized Japanese cars, stacked in boxes with Japanese writing on them. "They've got municipal tow trucks from eight different cities," he said. I started to look at the different paint jobs on the boxes, then caught myself. "We're not here to look at the toys," I said. "Yes, we are," Theo said. "We told Emily we were, so I'm looking." "OK, fine, now you've finished looking," I said. "Let's move on. Maxine?" But now Maxine, too, was off gazing at another display. I dragged Theo over to her. "Come on, Maxine. Don't we have something else to do?" Maxine didn't budge. "Look," she said. In front of her was a huge model building that could only be Shinter's itself, butter-colored stone and all, covered in carvings and pillars and bronzework. It must have been 20 feet wide. One side of the store was cut away to show the interior, floor by floor, filled with shoppers and merchandise. The train tracks running overhead in the toy department dived down to meet the model of Shinter's. But they didn't go to the basement subway station, where we'd come in. Instead, they ran right inside the building and along the edge of the third floor. The model train came softly clattering around a bend above us and descended toward the store. It went in at the third floor and slid the length of the building without stopping till it reached the far corner. There was a little train platform there, under a ceiling that curved down to become the station wall, with tiny figures of people in hats and suits, or dresses, waiting. Miniature painted lettering behind them said SHINTERS - 75TH. Find other chapters of The Stairs here. EASY LISTENING DEP'T.Here is the Indignity Morning Podcast archive! SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of sandwiches selected from Cassell's New Dictionary of Cookery, published in 1912 by Cassell and Company, London, New York, Toronto, and Melbourne, and available at archive.org for the delectation of all. SARDINE BUTTER. This preparation is very good spread on toast or made into sandwiches. Take twelve sardines and wash them quickly in cold water. Scrape off the skin, remove the bones, and pound the flesh in a marble mortar with a piece of fresh butter, and add butter gradually till the quantity mixed in equals half a pound. Add salt and cayenne pepper to taste, and work the preparation into a smooth paste. If sardines preserved in oil — such as are imported in small bottles and boxes — are used, do not wash the fish: do nothing but scrape off the skin and remove the bones. Press the paste into a jar or into small potting-pans, and store for use. Anchovies may be prepared in the same way as sardines. If liked, a little ground mace may be added with the cayenne pepper. SARDINE SANDWICHES. Take as many tinned sardines as will be wanted. Scrape the skin lightly off each fish, split it open, cut off the tail, and remove any bones there may be. Take thin slices of bread from a stale loaf, butter these, and lay the sardines between two of them. Cut away the crust, and press the slices with the hand to make them adhere. Cut them with a sharp knife into long narrow sandwiches, and serve on a dish covered with a neatly-folded napkin. Garnish with parsley. If you are inspired to prepare a sandwich inspired by these offerings, be sure to send your thoughts and a picture to indignity@indignity.net . SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T.
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