Hi, friend. Welcome to another edition of Crooked Reads, a monthly(ish) collection of bite-sized reviews about books on a theme and occasional essays. The newsletter will always be free to read, but it ain’t free to write. Consider becoming a paid subscriber, buying me a coffee, or sending me a book from my wishlist to support my work! If you told me a decade ago that I’d be happily planning an annual Halloween party where we listen to horror movie soundtracks and drink fall sangria (cinnamon whiskey, apple juice, and white wine—it is divine), I’d think you had the wrong gal. I am the scarediest of scaredy cats, and yet I’ve fallen in love with all things spoopy. I’m a bit of a novice to the horror genre, jumping at every single jump scare, replaying a handful of scenes in my head, and having regular bad dreams about others. Along the way, I’ve learned some tips for reading horror when you’re a scaredy cat. My newfound love comes by way of my husband, who loves Halloween and horror in all its forms. I was hesitant at first, because the Saw movies really messed me up in high school—I still have nightmares about some of those kills. He’s given me a full horror education in the movie world. He’s also thrust various horror novels at me, because you have to read Rosemary’s Baby and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark before you can see the movies. It’s the law. Or something. But that’s enough about my relationship to horror and a horror-loving dude. Let’s get to those tips so you can have a scare-free spoopy reading season.¹
How to Read Horror When You’re a Scaredy CatEase Into the Genre Start off with some classics from Mary Shelley, Edgar Alan Poe, Shirley Jackson, or H.P. Lovecraft. They (hopefully) aren’t going to be as terrifying as modern horror, and they can introduce you to some of the tropes without giving you nightmares. Wait Until the Sun is Out If it’s bright and happy outside, the horrors within the pages won’t be able to get you. Theoretically. Nighttime is far too quiet, with mysterious house creaks and tree branches tickling windows keeping you distracted from what you’re reading. Keep the Lights On If you’re not able to secure reading time during the day, then ample light—ceiling lights, table lights, flashlight helmets, whatever you have on hand—is a must. Just, um, don’t acknowledge the things in the shadows. Make a Cozy Reading Nest Get your blanket, warm beverage, and best snacks at the ready. These are your first line of defense against getting too scared. The blanket also serves as a shield against whatever horrors just burned themselves into your mind forever. Secure a Friend or Roommate to Protect You Bonus points if they don’t laugh at you when you scream in response to them asking what you’re up to mid-page turn. Don’t Watch the Movie First You’ll spoil all the best scares and twists for yourself! Read Non-Spoiler Reviews Please do read some reviews if you need to prepare yourself for any content that’s upsetting for you. Put the Book in the Freezer When all else fails, follow Joey Tribiani’s sage advice: Don’t read a horror novel, like Stephen King’s The Shining, without making sure there’s ample room in the freezer. Because the freezer is the only place to keep the book from attacking you. Or, you know, if you want to be extra scared, just do the opposite of all these tips. Read at night in a silent, empty house and let your imagination wander to the darkest places it can find. I’m not the boss of you.
The recommendationIf you want to be in the know about all the popular horror movies of the world, but are too afraid to watch them yourself, have no fear. Emily C. Hughes did the work for you in Horror for Weenies: Everything You Need to Know about the Films You’re Too Scared to Watch, an excellent new book that gives a plot summary, an analysis of the film and its cultural significance, some talking points if you have someone you want to impress, and a list of recommended readalikes. It also serves as an excellent refresher for movies you may have watched ages ago but have no interest in revisiting. The backlistIn case you missed ’em, or want to peep the archives:
xoxo I’m an affiliate with Bookshop.org and may earn a commission if you click through any book links and make a purchase. ⚡️ Archive | Contact | Directory | Donate | Subscribe | Wishlist 1 This piece appeared in a slightly different form at Book Riot in 2021. Thanks for subscribing to Crooked Reads! If you liked this post, share it with your favorite bookworm.
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