Hi gang, and thanks for coming to The Cipher. Let's go Tigers.
-Lauren |
Nick Castellanos Answers The Mets’ Whimsy
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Jayden Daniels Has Brought The Commanders To Life
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Liverpool Hasn’t Missed A Beat Under Arne Slot
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One Thing We Liked On The Internet Today:
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The Erik ten Hag Drama Goes Up To eleven |
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We have always marveled at our capacity as sports fans for monarchy. spend an inordinate amount of time on teams whose results do not require our attention (your Lakers, your Cowboys, your Maple Leafs, your Yankees, your Notre Dame), and we follow them for the stupidest reason of them all: Because they are who they are, recent success or failure notwithstanding.
But nothing matches England for this, and not just because they obsess over the twisted helix of mutant DNA that is the actual royal family. Their obsession with the mediocrity that is Manchester United crushes any of North America's fixations, to the point where the fate of their latest failure, manager Erik Ten Hag, swallows all other concerns. He has been a day away from being fired since his first defeat two years ago, and he leads every broadcast in every venue every day. You'd need to immerse yourself in soccer chat to know this, but trust us: Nothing beats this one for wall-to-wall never-any-developments same-bullshit-different-day blather.
We only mention all this because for whatever frustrations you may have about sport, just remember this: Nobody in a position to do something about it wants it any different. It's called "playing the hits," and even when the music is so shitty that you pour maple syrup into your music device of choice to make it stop, it won't. It will always be this way.
On the other hand, maybe the Royals will win today and we can talk about ... oh, who's kidding whom? The Royals can't win. The Yankees can lose, but the Royals can never ever win.
-Ray Ratto
Photo: Carl Recine/Getty Images |
The Best Opening Lines From Emma Chapters |
I am still in a "classics" phase at the moment, and as such I recently finished my first-ever Jane Austen novel, Emma. I enjoyed it. I admire Emma as a protagonist more than some, because it's clear she has this strong inner resolve in a world that is constantly trying to pressure women into one particular idea of femininity. I think her society of rich dorks is kind of silly and almost tragic in its emptiness, where everyone is just competing to show the best manners, but Austen writes about it with witty vividness in a tone that can still feel conversational even across the eras.
I especially loved the way Austen opened so many of her chapters—with little sly jokes, or clear definitive sentences, or otherwise forceful collections of words that prepped the reader for what was to come. The chapter division of Emma never felt arbitrary, and I have collected a few of my personal favorite kick-off lines.
- Emma Woodhouse, handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and happy disposition, seemed to unite some of the best blessings of existence; and had lived nearly twenty-one years in the world with very little to distress or vex her.
- Mr. Knightley might quarrel with her, but Emma could not quarrel with herself.
- Some change of countenance was necessary for each gentleman as they walked into Mrs. Weston’s drawing-room;—Mr. Elton must compose his joyous looks, and Mr. John Knightley disperse his ill-humour.
- The hair was curled, and the maid sent away, and Emma sat down to think and be miserable.
- Human nature is so well disposed towards those who are in interesting situations, that a young person, who either marries or dies, is sure of being kindly spoken of.
- Emma’s very good opinion of Frank Churchill was a little shaken the following day, by hearing that he was gone off to London, merely to have his hair cut.
- Emma continued to entertain no doubt of her being in love.
- Emma was not required, by any subsequent discovery, to retract her ill opinion of Mrs. Elton.
- In this state of schemes, and hopes, and connivance, June opened upon Hartfield.
- After being long fed with hopes of a speedy visit from Mr. and Mrs. Suckling, the Highbury world were obliged to endure the mortification of hearing that they could not possibly come till the autumn.
- Till now that she was threatened with its loss, Emma had never known how much of her happiness depended on being first with Mr. Knightley, first in interest and affection.
-Lauren |
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