Go with the flow (state)Sally Rooney is turning against fame - what does this mean for us Normal People?
On seeking external validation, finding flow state and why Sally Rooney is rejecting fame. If you know me IRL or follow me on Instagram, you’ll know I haven’t really shut up about Sally Rooney’s latest novel, Intermezzo. This is the Irish author’s fourth full-length novel, and she’s only 33. Her youth - alongside her talent for capturing the millennial experience - has made her a person of interest in the media for many years.
Following the BBC TV adaptation of her novel Normal People, Rooney was cast into the limelight in a way she openly disliked. In general, she rarely shares anything about her personal life. She doesn’t do many events or even book signings. She has even said she won’t be optioning any of her other novels for TV any time soon. For an author who is commonly regarded at the top of her game, it’s so interesting to me that she has, essentially, chosen the alternative path of fame. She is in the position many of us could only dream of - with millions of people avidly awaiting her latest novel (which she typically takes 2-3 years to write and publish), but she has never bowed to the pressure to write more, do more, or even say more. In a rare interview with the New York Times, Rooney talked about how she isn’t just apathetic to career growth, but she’s downright against it. She said:
If you’ve been here since this newsletter’s humble beginnings in 2020, you’ll know I’ve been tooting the horn of anti-hustle culture for many years. But, back when I wrote about knowing when it’s time to quit or the “I’ll be happy when” mentality, it didn’t feel like there were any specific people I could look up to. I just knew, in my gut, that this wasn’t the right approach for me. I’ve written extensively about my years working in corporate hell, and how it basically led me to a mental breakdown. For a few years, I was fixated on my career - or, at least, the career I thought I was building. We initially discussed going travelling in 2015, but I couldn’t imagine taking a year out of my job to pursue something so frivolous, as I would never become a Marketing Director that way.
Every decision I made was with the ultimate aim of furthering my career. I wanted to be noticed by the right people, appraised by my peers and seen as the most capable individual in my department. Obviously, this was all pointless as I now know that it doesn’t matter how hard you work for a company, they will always see you as disposable. You are just another number to them. In recent years, my priorities have completely shifted, and I have seen this in parts of society, too. I am not sure whether that anti-hustle culture rhetoric was always there, and I only saw it in 2019-ish, or whether the pandemic brought a sense of “what’s the point of it all?” to many people who were living for the weekend, like I had been only a couple of years before. In the context of Sally Rooney’s interview, it’s incredible to me to hear a woman my own age, who is really ‘living the dream’, saying that she has no intention of growing her career. She told the NYT:
It goes without saying that Rooney is in a position of privilege - and she does recognise this. Not all of us can be, or ever will be, NYT bestselling authors. And, we do all have to work to pay our dues - we do live in a society, after all. But she isn’t saying that she doesn’t want to work. She’s saying she does want to work. In fact, it’s all the other shit that comes with the work that she hates. All she wants to do is write her novels. She says:
How many people can say that? Not many. And yet, the gold standard of career success is often a better job title, more influence, more money…. and so rarely is it a question of whether that work is truly enriching or satisfying. I’d argue finding this state of true internal validation is almost impossible in today’s world, but it’s a good goal to have. I am in no way immune to this, either. I still feel sad when I notice multiple people unsubscribe from the newsletter, and I definitely get a buzz when I get new sign-ups. As humans, we can only seek to embrace our imperfections. What if the better versions of ourselves aren’t those with zero screentime and zero intrusive thoughts… instead, we acknowledge that we are always works-in-progress and there really is no end goal. Perhaps the peace doesn’t come upon achieving the goal, but in the act of doing the thing? Going with the flowState of Flow is a psychological term that refers to the feeling of being completely immersed in an activity. This is often a peaceful or even euphoric state, which I am not sure everyone experiences. You’ll have to let me know about that in the comments. For me, I guess I enter a state of flow while writing this newsletter, as I often feel like these emails need to be written. It’s like I have to get it out of me, regardless of whether people will read it. We know that the flow state is highly productive, in some ways 500% more productive than when carrying out an activity in another mental state. It’s also linked to several feel-good neurotransmitters, notably dopamine, which is released when we overcome challenges or feel a sense of achievement. (I’ve written about dopamine before, including how it works for people with ADHD). The aforelinked medical journal on flow says:
I don’t think it’s a stretch to bring together the concept of flow with Rooney’s proclamation of feeling happiest when she is writing. She is, essentially, saying that the act of creating the art is the most satisfying part - and by rejecting the fame that comes with her success, she is consciously choosing to invest her mental energy in finding happiness from within herself, and not seeking external validation for quick-hits of dopamine.
It goes without saying that we can’t all be novelists with an audience willing to wait three years for our latest creation. Many people don’t find such satisfaction in their job, and I am of the firm belief that not every job has to be satisfying on a soul level. But that doesn’t mean that we Normal People (see what I did there?) can’t find a flow state in other aspects of our lives, be that exercise or starting a creative practice like painting or knitting, or even writing. The studies are there to show that this mental space is a goldmine for positive emotions, while relying on external validation to make us feel good will never work. Not least because it puts our own happiness outside of our control, but also because it means we are holding ourselves up to a standard set by a society that treasures money and power over everything else. Rooney’s mentality is in direct opposition to studies that show that over half of 16-25-year-olds want to be influencers. I don’t want this to come across as ‘anti-influencer’ as I follow and enjoy lots of content creators, this is specifically about the aspiration to become someone who influences others - and, in turn, finds validation in other people’s opinions of them. I am not sure whether any of this will make sense outside of my own head, but I couldn’t help but feel pretty inspired by Rooney’s shunning of what society typically deems the ultimate reward, and if someone as successful as her can do that, then maybe we can look at our own value system, from where we seek approval, and, ultimately, how we allow this to dictate who we see ourselves to be.
It’s rained all week, so I have barely touched any grass. I have started a new running plan to keep me going through the winter months, so I am still going to Parkrun and enjoying countless little treats with our toddler as the spooky season begins. Other things I’ve also enjoyed this week: 📚Intermezzo by Sally Rooney - Obviously, Rooney this whole newsletter, but the novel itself is a masterpiece. If you like her work, you’ll like this - but if you weren’t keen on her previous novels, you likely won’t like this as it is very much inline with her style. 📺Heartstopper S3 (Netflix) - Nick and Charlie are back on our screens; this has to be one of the best page-to-screen adaptations ever? How they replicate specific scenes from the graphic novels is truly remarkable. See you next week, Ellen x 🎧I’m on Spotify!If you like the audio version of this newsletter, you can listen to them all over on Spotify. Here’s last week’s:
💌 About this emailI’m Ellen, and I write about mental health for the chronically online. I am a freelance copywriter, strategist and web designer, and I work from home with my husband, Craig, at Content By The Sea. We have two rescue greyhounds, Potter and Harmony, and a toddler. I started this newsletter in March 2020 and have sent over 180 emails; currently, I have over 1,200 subscribers. I write about a wide variety of topics, including diet culture, my love of running, jealousy, my life falling apart, mam guilt, and this dystopian world we all live in. 💛 How you can support meIf you like reading my weekly emails, you can give me a kickback in one or more of the following ways: 📨 Share this post 📬 Subscribe for free (if you haven’t already!) 💬 Leave a comment on this newsletter 💰Sign up to be a paid supporter of the newsletter for just £4 a month or £40 a year. The current perks of being a paid subscriber are receiving one extra Touching Grass email each month with all of my top films, shows, podcasts and books. Most importantly, you are supporting me in continuing to write this newsletter week after week. You're currently a free subscriber to Conversations By The Sea. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription.
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