How I Used the Decision Stack to Find Clarity in My Life

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Hey Kait,

This story is a little different but I'm thrilled Richard chose to share this very personal take on how the Decision Stack helped him through an awful time in his life.

Do you have a Decision Stack story to share? How has it helped you? Reach out and let's share it with the world! Email me at hello@thedecisionstack.com

best,

Martin

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You know that moment when you’re feeling directionless? That was me a few years ago. When my wife passed away, the path I had mapped out felt like someone else’s plan, a blueprint that no longer applied. Everything we had planned together was now gone. Everything felt murky. I needed a way to move forward and that’s when the Decision Stack framework came into play.

What attracted me to The Decision Stack was that it isn’t some rigid business school tool or a self-help elixir that promises everything will be perfect. Instead, it’s a dynamic, flexible mental model that connects the dots between lofty aspirations and everyday decisions. We all have dreams and visions of the future, and we also have routines and habits that either help or distract us from getting there, but very few models bridge the big ideas with day-to-day behavior. 

It doesn’t matter if you’re running a startup, raising a family, or deciding whether to go on that crazy solo adventure—this model can help you make better decisions at every stage of life. But let me backup and explain how I used it.

When I talk about vision, strategy, objectives, and principles, it might sound like I’m describing a corporate offsite agenda. And I use it in that setting too. But the Decision Stack is as human as it gets. It’s about figuring out why you want what you want and how you’re going to get there. It’s not a prescriptive checklist; it’s a way to find clarity when everything around you is a blur.

How I Rediscovered My Personal Mission

After my wife died, my original vision felt very fragile. It was built on our partnership, and that was now gone. I had to rebuild it. So, I started at the top of the Decision Stack: redefining my vision.

Vision is more than a pie-in-the-sky dream—it’s about what makes life worth living, whether that’s pursuing passions, finding joy, or creating connections. For me, it meant focusing on the core values I had neglected: adventure, creativity, and building meaningful relationships.

The Decision Stack asks you to align everything to your personal mission, even when the future feels uncertain. It’s not about setting specific milestones right away; it’s about understanding what’s driving you forward and what success would truly feel like, emotionally and mentally. The beauty of the framework is its ability to adapt to any phase of life, not just business decisions. You get to define the game you’re playing, whether that’s being a better parent, chasing a new passion, or in my case, finding a new purpose.

Building a Strategy for a Fuzzy Future

Once I knew what my vision was, the next step was strategy. And this is where the Decision Stack really becomes useful. Strategy isn’t just about picking the right moves; it’s about saying no to the wrong ones. It’s about focusing on the actions that matter most and letting go of the noise. I had to make tough calls: Should I sell the house? Should I double down on my work, or take a break? Should I travel more or less?

I began to focus my energy on the areas that brought me closer to my vision. This meant simplifying my life, selling things I didn’t need, and cutting ties with activities and relationships that drained more energy than they gave. This kind of strategy isn’t about optimizing productivity; it’s about optimizing for fulfillment. Strategy is the middle finger to distractions—it’s as much about what you don’t do as what you do.

Turning Strategy into Tangible Objectives

Here’s where things started to get practical: objectives. In business, objectives are often just targets, but in life, they’re more like the tangible steps toward your vision. The Decision Stack helped me break down my broader strategy into actionable chunks. I wanted more adventure in my life, so I started setting objectives around travel and exploration—small goals that were achievable, like a going on retreats or more travel with my sons.

This approach was liberating. It allowed me to see progress, even if it was incremental. The magic of objectives is that they’re not permanent; they’re stepping stones. I could adjust them as needed, which is crucial when dealing with an uncertain and evolving life situation. Each decision felt less like a final choice and more like a reversible experiment—an insight that’s central to the Decision Stack philosophy.

Seizing Opportunities, One at a Time

Now, let’s talk about opportunities. This layer is all about identifying ways to advance your objectives and capture more value. It sounds pretty business-y, but it’s incredibly relevant to personal growth. For example, I discovered that my objectives weren’t just about adding experiences; they were about removing the things that got in the way of living fully.

One opportunity I seized was to spend more time painting, writing and being outdoors. Nature, art and hanging out with friends in beautiful places became my healing space, a physical and mental place to grieve and reflect. The Decision Stack doesn’t just push you toward new things; it also helps you recognize when to stop doing old things. It’s not just about adding more; it’s about eliminating friction. Sometimes the opportunity lies in ‘cleaning house’ and learning to be okay with less.

Principles: The Guardrails of Your Decisions

The final piece of the Decision Stack is principles, and it’s probably the most personal. Principles are the non-negotiable values that guide your decisions, no matter what. They’re the internal code that keeps you aligned when the world gets loud and confusing. I defined mine simply: authenticity, curiosity, and connection.

Although I did rewrite a few of my original principles, having a set of clear principles made it easier to evaluate opportunities and objectives. If an action didn’t align with my core principles, I knew it wasn’t worth pursuing. Principles are what allow you to stay true to yourself, even when it feels like life is pulling you in a million directions.

The Takeaway: A Life That’s Yours

The Decision Stack isn’t a magic solution—it’s a tool. But it’s a powerful one. It doesn’t require you to have all the answers; it just requires you to be honest about what matters and what doesn’t. It works because it’s adaptable. You don’t need to have a perfectly clear vision to start using it. In fact, you don’t even need to know what your ultimate goals are. You just need to start somewhere. The best part is that the more you use it, the more it becomes an unconscious way of thinking. If I’m faced with a big decision, I no longer even need to refer to the stack, it’s just part of how I think. 

If you’re feeling stuck, give it a try. The Decision Stack has helped me find clarity when my life was in shambles. It’s given me a way to make decisions that are grounded in my own values, not in someone else’s definition of success. Start with what matters most, align your decisions, and see where it takes you. It’s your life—make it count.