Anna can’t exactly pinpoint when her relationship with her sister-in-law started to sour. Rather, it was a slow unraveling.
When the two met over 20 years ago through their now-husbands, who are brothers, Anna actually preferred spending time with her future sister-in-law. “We would hang out all the time,” says Anna, who is being referred to by her middle name so she can speak freely about her family. “I would get through being with him just to hang out with her.”
Anna and her sister-in-law also had a common enemy: their husbands’ parents. At family gatherings, they’d steal away with a glass of wine and whisper, “Can you believe they said that?” The women could compare notes about their mother-in-law’s latest insult or how their father-in-law constantly belittled his wife.
Unlike Anna, 47, who largely kept her concerns to herself, her sister-in-law was vocal about her dislike for their in-laws. This rubbed Anna’s husband the wrong way and ultimately drove a wedge between the two families.
Now, they live an hour away and only see each other a handful of times a year. And when they do, it’s awkward, Anna says. Her kids are no longer close with their cousins. Whenever Anna’s sister-in-law invites her family on trips to amusement parks, they decline but end up going anyway — without them — and then lying about why they couldn’t coordinate plans.
“I just hate the dishonesty,” Anna says. “The worst part for me is pretending everything is fine when clearly everybody in the room knows it’s not fine.”
